Hopeful signs of Spring are popping up everywhere, but the month of March is in full swing and the weather seems to have gone mad. We’re getting a lot of rain, mixed in with a little hail, mixed in with crazy wind, mixed in with some sunny warm days, or a lot of days just seem to have it all. Is it just a coincidence that this crazy weather seems to totally match my frame of mind? I’m not so sure.
Ever since I decided to change my pillow business name to Suzanne Harrison Home I’ve been on a total high. I’ve been working on my branding, my business model, a new website, and new products. I’ve been cutting and sewing while listening to on-line marketing classes. On top of that, I’ve got two freelance web jobs with clients I love, and leads on some possible new clients. And it feels great. Usually.
Sometimes though, I just can’t sleep. I toss and turn and I’m full of self-doubt. I wonder where I might be in my career if I hadn’t quit my corporate job. I obsess about the web jobs I didn’t get. I feel poor. I feel jealous of my friends buying new cars, remodeling their homes, taking amazing vacations. I know it’s irrational, but it creeps in, usually at night, and drives me crazy.
In the morning though, I have a couple of cups of coffee (my ‘happy juice’), get the kids ready to go, then I walk to school with Miles, usually in the rain. Then, I’m back on track, full of confidence and enthusiasm for everything I’m doing. Sometimes I go for a quick run, and that’s when all kinds of ideas come into my brain, that I write down as soon as I get home. Never in my corporate career did I feel this type of excitement for the work I was doing. But I sure did love those steady paychecks, raises, healthcare, and paid vacations.
I don’t know who said it, or where I saw it, but somewhere I saw this quote:
Have faith in the timing of your life.
And it’s become kind of a mantra for me. I repeat it in my head when I’m running, or I say it to myself when I can’t sleep. It’s seems to help push out the jealousy and self-doubt, and bring in my appreciation for all I’ve done, and all I have: amazing kids, a hard-working and loving husband, healthy parents and in-laws, a great house, a beautiful city, fun vacations, etc, etc, blah blah blah. Because I truly believe in this quote I saw somewhere else:
Gratitude makes room for more blessings.
Jumping out of your regular old steady job to start something new is stressful – especially at mid-life, when it seems like everyone around you is reaping the rewards of sticking with their careers. I hate when jealousy and self-doubt creep in. But I’m so very excited about everything I’m working on.
Let’s hope that March goes out like a lamb. Because I will be more than ready to welcome the sun and warmth and all that amazing newness that comes with Spring.