I haven’t written a new blog post for a while now. Not because I haven’t wanted to, but because I haven’t had any inspiration about what to write, which is okay right now I think. Because ever since I’ve started this blog I’ve written a lot about wanting to find my groove, my thing, my calling, my balance, my lifestyle, whatever you want to call it. And while I’m not running around proclaiming, “I’ve done it! I’ve figured myself out! I finally know what to do with my life!” I feel really happy about where I am right now, and my days just fly by, full of good stuff.
How and when did this happen?
Well, I guess the first thing would be my recent acquirement of steady part-time employment. My job as a contracted web developer at Nordstrom is perfect. I work around 24-32 hours/week and have total flexibility, so I work as much as possible while the kids are at school, and when I come home I can work on my pillows. I’m not sure how long it will last – it was supposed to end a month ago, but stuff keeps coming up for me to work on, and so I’ll take it. I’m learning so much, honing my skills, plus I like the company and the people I’m working with. What more could I ask for? And while I’m happy for it to last as long as possible, when it does end, I’m not worried about being unemployed. I’m exited for the next thing.
I wonder if this good place I’m in might also be because of my new “I don’t give a shit” attitude. Or maybe I’ve reached the other side of my mid-life crisis – the side of acceptance, of letting go. Or have I finally found the right path? Because right now I feel like I know what I’m doing. I feel like I’m doing the right things, for the right reasons, and I’m enjoying myself. I feel like I’m not stretched too thin, or stressed out about stuff, or wildly out of balance, or thinking luck or anyone else besides me will help me be successful. Hooray!
It feels so good to not give a shit about a lot of the stuff that I used too. I’m done dying my hair, wanting a fancy car or a bigger house, or eating out much. I wear comfortable clothes, that without nice shoes or a scarf or jewelry, could easily be mistaken for pajamas. I usually shop at Safeway instead of the fancy market, and a lot of my clothes come from clothing swaps. I’m not embarrassed to tell people I love them or hug people who aren’t huggers. And I’m pretty okay with the fact that I will always have cellulite.
But not giving a shit is not the same as not caring. I do care. More than ever about a lot of stuff. I care about my family so much it hurts. I care about time well spent, and spending as much time as possible with the people I like the best, and not as much time with the people who bug me. I care about aesthetics, good design, and comfort. I care about yummy healthy food and my vegetable garden. I care about aging well and always learning and trying new things. I care a lot about having fun, but I pretty much always have.
Most importantly, I think I’m at a point in my life where I am just so appreciative of all I have, of where I’ve been, and where I’m going. I have faith in the universe, and my faith in the net is stronger than ever.
But I don’t think this is the end of the story. This is not the end of my blogging. I may have slowed down a little in my posts, but, as they say, the story never ends…